I've been involved in several conversations in the past week where I have found myself talking people through their marriages in crisis. And for the third time in the past week, I have heard somebody use the classic line: "I still love her, but I'm not in love with her." If I hear that again, I think I am going to poke my eyeballs out.
Are these people in 10th grade? I can almost expect this kind of thinking from unbelievers, but this is coming from people who are Christ-followers. And they should know better.
Fidelity takes work and it has to be driven by more than "how I feel" today. It's a commitment to loving a sometimes hard-to-love person. Christ still loves and pursues us even when we rebel and push Him away. Those of us who claim to be regenerate Christians must strive to model this sort of love.
So what if you find yourself "not in love" with your spouse? Do something about it!
Start by praying for God to fill you with His Spirit and to supernaturally grow your commitment for your spouse. Ask Him to point out unhealthy distractions (or relationships) that are getting in the way of your marriage and then remove them with aggressive tenacity. It is at these times that thoughts of "the grass might be greener" tend to show up. Don't believe the lies.
Then, have a "come to Jesus" meeting with your spouse. You may need to be painfully honest with where your hearts are. If you're "just not feeling it," be willing to confess that. But the key thing is to recommit yourself to one another. You want to be able to say, "Even though my heart is hurting, I'm committed to work through this and finish strong with you...for our own benefit, but also for the sake of our kids and for the glory of God in us."
Finally, take some proactive steps to rebuild what is broken. Seek help from a mentor couple. Find a good Christian counselor (defined as someone who will endorse and support and push you towards a Biblical world view). Or commit to a marriage intensive, a long weekend designed to jump-start marriages in crisis (they can be expensive, but they're a bargain compared to the cost of a divorce). Whatever you do, don't sit idly by waiting for your heart to change.