The old line is that we have two ears and one mouth...so we should use them accordingly. Listen more than you talk. But for most married people, that truth goes out the window when we are in a fight. We are somehow convinced that if we can just explain ourselves better, the conflict will go away. That's never worked once for me.
Instead of using that time that your spouse is talking to plan what you're going to say next, you would be wise to learn some listening skills. This podcast has a bunch of insights that anyone can learn about how to really listen to your partner. We use words like attention, validation and empathy. (Guys this is for you....those words are probably not in your vocabulary.)
Don't lose hope. These are skills that you can practice and get better and better at. Doing so will pay huge dividends the next time you find yourself in conflict.